Overwhelm is a word that seems to sum up our lives and times at the moment, not least for many children under our care.
So many children have a hard time of it today. With the cost of living and the legacy of Covid adding to the pressures of family and school life. It is no wonder that the feelings of so many children get knocked out of balance.
And of course SATs can often add to this pressure for certain pupils. With the tests just around the corner (key stage 2 SATs run from May 13 to 16 this year) I would like to consider some techniques that can help children to address these feelings of overwhelm.
However, before I do, it is worth recapping how overwhelm manifests itself. There are four main ways:
- Aggression: It is the most easily spotted sign of overwhelm. This might be physical or verbal aggression to other people or their immediate environment. While it can make us feel angry or threatened, it is important to see it as a symptom of an unmet need expressed by some children when they are feeling out of control and their mental health and wellbeing is out of balance.
- Agitation: This can include quick movement, nail-biting, sleeve chewing or leg tremors. Some children undertake this behaviour as a form of self-soothing, but it can also be the result of their anxiety about what is coming next and not being able to be fully present in the moment because they're thinking about the next thing all the time.
- Over-adaptation: When a child puts the adult’s needs above their own interests it is called over-adaptation. Instead of going out to play, they will ask if they can stay with the adult and do something helpful, such as tidy the bookshelf. Children often do this because they feel more regulated when they are able to help and support an adult. Of course, we all want children to be helpful, but if this behaviour is getting in the way of them not meeting their own needs, then this becomes an issue.
- Incapacitation: This is when children let you know that something isn't quite right with them physically. This could be stomach pain and they become fixated on having their needs met through that condition. It is a way for the child to say, “I don't know how to tell you how I feel so I'm going to let you know that my body is physically unwell at the moment”.
There are a range of tools and approaches we can use that can help with feelings of overwhelm. It is not a one-size-fits-all approach, but here ae three ideas worth exploring.
1, Put together a stress regulation toolkit
This might be a “calm-down corner” with a drawer or box full of objects that will help children to learn about themselves, their emotions, and stress regulation skills.
These tangible objects might be squashy balls, a bead threaded on a length of jumbo pipe cleaner that can be moved up and down, or a malleable chunk of playdough. Once the child has found one that works for them it can really help to ground them in the moment.
It is down to us as adults to get curious about these objects and think about how they could be used, and to be alongside the children as they build confidence in those objects.
A heavy shawl or a weighted blanket can also help. Simply wrapping themselves up creates a feeling of containment, a bit like having a hug, giving the child a warm sense of safety.
2, Learn breathing techniques
Children can’t learn to self-regulate without an adult working with them. And this co-regulation approach won’t work unless you as an adult are in the right place. There are a range of breathing techniques to help you and your children.
One is box-breathing. It gets its name from the four sides of a box: it involves breathing in for four seconds, holding your breath for four seconds, exhaling for four seconds, and then holding your breath again for four seconds. This technique acts almost like a foot brake on the heart rate which should help to reduce stress levels.
Bee breathing is another. Putting your fingers just in front of your ears then start to hum or buzz like a bee. This creates a vibrato that can help to regulate the cranium’s vagus nerve. It is a simple technique that can help to calm and soothe your whole body.
A breathing buddy can really help breathing control. I have a small cuddly dove which I place on my stomach when I lie on the floor. The aim is to focus on keeping that little bird moving and down without falling off. That careful control helps to control your breath and that helps with your self-regulation, slowing down your heart rate and reducing your blood pressure.
3, Try cognitive regulation techniques
As well as adopting techniques and tools that will help children control physical responses to overwhelm it is also important to look at the cognitive side. There are lots of different activities to try that will promote mindfulness, focus, and control. The tools and techniques can be quite simple.
A tray of ping pong balls, toy cars or marbles can help children immensely. The idea is to control the movement of these objects, using control to stop them from rolling over the sides.
Sorting exercises are also helpful. Adults often find activities such as tidying and sorting can help lower stress responses, and it is the same with children. Arranging buttons or pencil crayons into colours and shades help to promote a focus on the moment. The same applies with colouring books and dot-to-dot puzzles.
Final thoughts
The final thing to remember is to practise these techniques with children before they are really needed so that when the time comes, they are readily available to help those feelings of overwhelm.
Viv Trask-Hall is head of product and innovation at Thrive, which trains teachers and other education professionals to support children’s wellbeing. Visit www.thriveapproach.com